02.21.20 No Trade Friday

Today was actually pretty frustrating. Similar to yesterday, the $SPY put in a downward move then consolidated endlessly. When the $SPY consolidates, nothing seems to happen anywhere (for the most part). There were a couple shorts I liked but I couldn't get a borrow. A couple long setups I liked between 9:00 and 11:00 AM PST but I don't initiate trades in those hours unless the volume profile allows it. One trade in particular, I loved but just wasn't fast enough to notice and pull the trigger. The $SPY (of all things) put in a reversal signal with a few minutes to the bell but I missed it.

I'm also frustrated because I have a head game going on where I want to continue my upward trend in my P&L and am going back and forth with the thoughts, "am I being too picky? and "are you about to take this trade because you feel like you're being too picky?" The back and forth is usually what breaks my trend and gets me spiraling downward. I think the only difference between having these thoughts now vs. prior instances is that I'm recognizing the behavior. The big question becomes, what do I do about it? Realistically, the answer is to stay patient and don't let thoughts of my P&L trick me into trades that aren't flat out good setups but often that's easier said than done. I fell like a pitcher in the ninth inning of a no hitter.

We'll see how next week goes. I'm still stoked on the month I've put together so far but disappointed and frustrated with the last couple days. I can't allow myself to stop trading and point at my month as a positive uptrend; the trend also breaks if I stop trading. I'm definitely over the swings I've had prior to sizing my position and risk down where I'd be up a fair amount one day then down a good amount the next, continuously resulting in an even P&L balance. What I need is a trend that moves in one definitive direction so I can make a decision whether or not this career is still worth pursuing. I love the challenge of it but it needs to produce results. I have been hitting my targets and executing my trading plans almost without error all month long, which is a HUGE win for me. My mental battle of continuing to trade knowing I may break trend is just my current battle to overcome.